My life the past year has been a journey to completely trust God and it's been amazing and it will continue my whole life. Because I've learned that trusting God is a daily thing, with every action, every choice.
Essentially, faith is trusting God. Trust comes from the Greek word Pistis which means confidence, faith, trust, reliance on, and conviction of the Truth. Faith/Trust also have the same Latin root which is Fides which means trust, confidence, reliance, and belief. A more modern definition is "assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of something or someone" (Webster Merriam Dictionary).
For a long time I had a hard time trusting Him. I lacked faith that God was who He says He is in the Bible. I had a lot of unbelief about who God was and what he will do. For a long time, I thought that He was a God who could but who held back from helping us. That He was indifferent and uncaring, but I thought wrong. Once I started reading my Bible consistently, I struggled with who I thought God was versus who He really was, and it was really convicting and I had to deal with my heart. You can't trust God, if you don't know Him.
After learning and coming to the belief that God is trustworthy, I really worked on my relationship with Him and learning what it means to live for Him. Discovering that it is worth it to follow Him. I went on a church retreat where we talked about going all in for God. How God gives us a life of purpose and obedience to Him. How it takes a need, an emotional response, a risk, and a calling. Jesus had satisfied my need with His Grace at my Redemption Moment (the moment I became a Christian); I had an emotional response and I longed desperately for my purpose.
I was really afraid of trusting God, so I held back; I held back. But I fear failing Him and failing myself even more. The only way not to do that is to go all in, even though I was so afraid. I don't want to get to the end of my life and regret not living for him. I want to be a reflection of His Love to the world.
After the retreat, I struggled a lot with my purpose. It's still something I struggle, but I do know something. I know that we are here to be in a relationship with God and to love Him with our whole hearts. I struggled a lot with going away to college, because I didn't get in the one place I thought I would, where I really wanted to go. But God loved me so much that He had somewhere better than there. I still don't know what I'm going to major in or what I'm going to be, but I know that it's less about what I am and more about who I am. Right now I'm an undeclared and I've decided that I'm really just majoring in Life. God is doing awesome things in my life that I will blog about in my next song post.
Anyways, in July I started listening to this song, The Stand, and then I went on my church's Mission Tour to Boulder, CO where we sang it all the time, too. It became my summer song, a song of complete worship even though the future is uncertain, a song of trusting Him because He is good and He has good things for us.
One day, we went hiking and I was terrified of standing on top of these rocks on a mountain. So I sat on one and enjoyed the view. It was so beautiful on top, the valley with a dirt path through it, rocks on all sides, mountains with trees, and the city of white, tall buildings, beyond. But it was this experience, that made me realize that I'm still afraid and while I knew it was normal, I didn't want to be afraid. After the retreat, I had written in my journal that I wanted confidence in Christ; I didn't want to stand on my own. I don't have to. I have God and God has me.
The next time, we went hiking, I was less afraid of standing. Colorado is a beautiful state, and I loved looking out at the mountains and being amazed by Him and how we created all of this and all of us. I loved being in awe of Him. Well done, Creator. Well done, God.
From Mission Tour (besides so many other good things!) I learned what is actually means to stand (on God's Truth). It means believing that God is not going to fail me, that He is the rock, solid, eternal.
The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. --Psalm 18:2
It means recognizing my need for Him, because like the song says "what can I say, what can I do, except offer this heart completely to You?" and living out my faith because of this need. It means not holding back because I'm afraid.
This is what The Stand means to me and it was my summer song. Summer is ending (although it feels like summer all the time in Florida) and I'm at a new season of life too, so I have a new song that I will write about next post. My only advice is don't be afraid to trust Him. Have Faith.
